…. but it does.
I realize this probably shouldn’t bother me…
I went up to Priest Lake to visit a friend/ex who recently started working there. He told me I could stay at his cabin and we could go on hikes, take the kayak out and have a blast. I hadn’t had a day off in two weeks so of course I said yes. Any chance I get to leave Spokane (where I can’t be called back in to work) I take. It was almost perfect there. It was beautiful. We went on those hikes, we took kayaks out, we had a bonfire and we drank a good deal of wine. The only thing stopping it from being perfect was my friend. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but he seemed off…
Yesterday he stopped by my stand. He started talking about needing some new clothes and I made a joke about him looking like a bum (which he did not, and, he knew he did not) and he quoted something I had said to him years ago when we were dating.
He came to hang out with me and some of my friends and he really did look like a bum. He had food on his face and in his teeth, his hair was standing straight up, his clothes were dirty and he smelled. A certain amount of this can be cute, he was not cute this day. I told him that, to an extent, he represents me— that he needs to have respect for himself. I told him I didn’t expect him to shine his shoes everyday, but that I DO expect him to wipe the food off his face and clothes (and maybe brush his teeth and take a shower) before I show him off to my friends.
Matt says to me, “You, as my boyfriend, represent me. I don’t want my friends wondering why the heck I’d be with someone who looks like they just crawled out of a dumpster.”
After he quoted the Me from 4 years ago he asked me why I hadn’t tried to impress over the weekend. I asked him what he meant and he said I looked like a bum. He said he had introduced me as his ex— that before I came up he had told everyone I was one of the most beautiful girls he knew and that I was amazing.
I did not dress up over the weekend. You guys saw the pictures: I was a bum. (Though, I was showered and I did brush my teeth.) Like I said, I had worked 2 weeks without a day off. That translates into 160 hours. And THAT translates into a month of normal people work without a day off. I wore no make up. I did nothing with my hair. I wore shorts, that gray shirt and flip flops.
I don’t know that I feel bad about that.
I don’t know that I SHOULD feel bad about that.
I’ve never been on the receiving end of this and I can’t figure out if I should see his point or call him an asshole. I disappointed my friend by not impressing his friends so that they could boost his ego? I keep trying to figure out where the line is with this. How much do I care (now) what other people think?
Obviously I care enough to have trouble getting it out of my head.
